If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
