I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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