he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
