So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
3 2 1 whiskey
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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