This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
