im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
