so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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