I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
