I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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