Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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