come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
