toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
