Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
