dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
