Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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