He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
