he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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