If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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