What a fucking waste of an outfit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
