I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
