The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God I need to hump something, right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
