remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
