can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
