I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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