we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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