just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
