I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
