there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I just put wine in my tea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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