The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
