I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
