mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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