do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
