sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
