so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
And then he peed in my hair
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