I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We left an ass print on the piano.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
