she was so not down for the gang bang
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
