I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
