Do you still have your period?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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