dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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