the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my phone needs a breathalizer
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
