To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
