Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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