but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
