Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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