he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
