I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
