OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
