I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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