Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
