Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize