I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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