MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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