I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
