he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
