I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
