uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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