i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't put those talents on a resume
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
