she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
