I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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