How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
