we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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