And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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