Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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