do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
