If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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