I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i scared a bird with my dick
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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