Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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