Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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