also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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