I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
