what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
