How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
